Hannibal Reloaded..

It's been more than a year since I last feasted on your braincells (for the intelligent people who read my Blog,and the Dumb ones,who actually understand it) ...I've now decided to stop dieting,and get back to what I actually like doing..
Ruthless Blogging !! Muahaha !! It's a great feeling,you know,to possess Superpowers..
making people afraid of yourself,People dreading you,People wanting to kill you,
People wasting their time to make you eat up their grey matter..
It actually feels like a privilege to be able to beat the league of some nice Villainous kids..to have greater powers than those evil kids from superhero stories...



being a Cannibal with powers to finish you off mentally,rather than physically..
cuz i don't really know if you fingers taste like chicken,and no,i do not need volunteers,Thank you.
(for the perverts who think the "Finishing you off" was meant in THAT way...no,I did not mean THAT..
though I like the way you're thinking :P )
There's so much I want to write about...so many things going inside my head,which I soooo badly wanna write about..like the generation of "wannabe kids" ... like my brother's friends,who just entered my room..but I'll actually write a complete post on this one..and how I'm trying to memorize phone numbers..ok ya,I'll write this one as an advisory to all Boys..
31st May 2009.After being bestest buddies for over 2 years,and being in a super happy relationship for almost 5 months,my girlfriend and I had our first Fight..
(which luckily got sorted in a couple of hours...n Love u Pia!) because...I did not remember her phone number.I know,in this age where your mobile phones also have a super micro chip made out of electrically charged titanium,with the electric charge possessing powers which actually the posterior grey part of your brain does,you can easily save contacts to your Contact-list.
But guys,DO Remember your girlfriend's cell number,always!Your relationship will get back to normal..but for the rest of your lives,what's gonna haunt you is
"You didn't even remember my phone number! I'm sure you'll forget me too.."

I guess I need to stop,cuz I need to go get ready for basketball..
my friend Kandy has been calling me up continuously since the past 10 minutes,and I can't concentrate anymore on writing...though I actually don't,even without anyone calling me..but still,I need to split here..

Ok,and did I mention Kandy's name here ?
Kandy has been my friend since around 3-4 years,and we've met almost every evening for basketball..for 3 years,I've called him Kandy.Kandy is a boy,by the way,
and not a pornstar.Though I know Kandy is quite a porn-star-ish name...but no.
Today afternoon,with focus to the fact..."after 3 years"...I came to know his actual name isn't so porn-star-ish.Kandy is actually a shorter name for..
"Pilavullakandi Thekkaparambil Chinnaih Pillai Ganesan."

Trust me,having a friend with a pornstar name is better.
Thats like..53 characters in his name !!!!!
If I ever had to write an essay in school,on a friend...I guess it would be on Kandy.All I'll do is write his name..and that will take care of the word limit,I guess..

So ya,I'm now seriously ending this here...with satisfaction of thoroughly enjoying my starters..relishing most of the cells of your frontal cerebral lobes..
I'll sign off..and DO comment,thankyou,that's an option you'll find below this post..
It's for a social cause..
for every 4 comments I get,the Super-Villian community gives me a star,and all I need is 200 stars to have a movie based on my life
"D.Hannibal...Braincell Cannibal"
(Shoo..!! I'm obsessed with braincells :P .. enough of that)

I am Back...am I ?? (i suck at titles)

See...board exams just got over...
(they should actually have named it BORED-om exams ~!)...
and i have nuthin better to do...
so am back to blogging..!!

You've read about disasters,confusions,and all kinda random stuff I've written...
well..I hope u've read them...and if you've not....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !!! READ THEM...
It takes so much of effort writing them,sitting in fronta the computer,looking at the screen,eyes begin to ache...hands becum tired...fingers swell up wid all the typing...I gotta put my brains to use (well...I actually don't...but still,is nice to write that part...brains !!)...then i have to keep talkin' to myself while writing,and my ears havta listen to all the crap i speak...i end up wid depression listening to all the painful disasters of life...depression kills sleep,and i begin to get dark circles,which spoils the face i love so much...which gives me more depression...so ultimately i land up in fronta psychiatrists and counselors,who give me sleeping pills...me being too impatient, overdose...the next thing i know is I'm in a hospital,getting all kindza injections,living on medicines....and yea...the last time i was admitted,the wicked doctors gave me anesthesia,put me to sleep (no not that sleep...temporary sleep) and sold off one of my kidneys,one of my lungs,half of my liver,and i guess my brain too,but am not too sure of that...i dont remember whether i had it before all this or not...but yea,is a bad feeling..and to top that,they even charged me money for the operations...a whole fortune !!
So you know....Blogging is a task in itself...
needs courage...bravery...a lotta tolerance power...
is not everyone's cuppa tea !!
So yea...I deserve,need,and demand appreciation...
Thankyou !

Moving forward...With no blogs in the past few months,a lotta people hav cum up wid all kindza assumptions why i was off writing stuff...
The main ones being "Maybe Divij is busy studyin for his exams n taht why he's stopped bloggin..."..
and for all those masterminds who did think thats the reason...
You suck at guessing !!

Studies...no !!
Worries...Yea !!!
Just like disasters,confusion,and all other mishaps...
Worries too have becum an integral part of my life...
First the worries related to skool nd homework...then worrying
about girls (which actually still continues...)...then about exams...
and now about the result,and what i gotta do now,that skool is over.
As for the *what i gotta do* part,theres a whole blog post which describes my confusion in taht area...
and the second one...the result !!

What will the result be like...??
well i know what it will be like...but still...maybe a miracle happens...
they lose my papers nd give me an 95 in all subjects to compensate...
or maybe they exchange my marks wid one of the toppers...
or better...the cbse gets into debt,becums bankrupt and shuts overnight !!

But...having a record for undergoin' disasters all through my life,
this one seems quite unlikely...
So what I gotta worry about now is the part about the post-result trauma.
Parents.
Facing them,getting scolded,comments on evrything...suddenly all the wrong stuff
u did all thru the year (wrong according to them,i mean)...all your partying,going around,friends,girlfriends...evrything just cums into scene !!
So after a lotta worrying,thinking, and research...i've cum to the conclusion that this probably is the best way out...

and i'll write it all in a letter to my Dad..(Luv u dad !!)
hoping he understands !! Here's what the letter will be like,and I'm ending the blog wid the letter...and yup,now that i absolutely have nothing to do, You're gonna be bombarded wid more of ma stuff in the next few days.Yup so the letter....which will reach my dad the day i get the result.....
PS.The letter idea is not mine,i read it somewhere...just making sum changes to it.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Dad,
It's with great regret,and sorrow that I'm writing to u.
When you'll get this letter...i'll probably be in Goa.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend,because I wanted to
avoid a scene with mom and you.See,I luv you both a lot...
and want to be a good son,so i don't really want to fight or rebel.
And i love Kareena a lot !!

I know you guys are really cool,and hav never minded my relationships
with anybody...you've given me so much of space,so much freedom...
but,I know you wouldn't have approved of her,
because of her tattoos,piercings,excessively revealing clothes...and
the fact that she's 5 years older than me.
But dad,it's not just the love and passion...
Kareena is pregnant. She says we will be very happy together.
She owns a beach house and parties every night.and we dream of having more
children...many more children !

Kareena's opened my eyes to the fact that Marijuana actually duzant really hurt anyone.We'll grow lotsa it,and will even trade the marijuana for cocaine and ecstacy...and well...these days i'm into crystal meth too.
She knows a lotta nice,decent and helpful people who'll help us earn our living,by paying us a good sum in exchange of the marijuana.

And Kareena loves me a lot.After she met me,she's stopped sleeping wid other boys of the colony for the 50 bucks she charged them.
Now I'm sure too that we'll be happy together.
Whenever you need any kinda help,do lemme know,i'm your son !
I'll send you any amount of marijuana,at a 5% discount !!

In the meantime,we can hope and pray that science finds a cure for AIDS,
so that Kareena can get better.She deserves it !
Don't worry dad, I'v even given my class 12 exams,nd can look after maself now.
Someday,I'm sure we will get back and visit you so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.
Take care of mom.

And yea,I'm sorry..
I needed a car,so am taking your new one,hope you dont mind it.
And,am also sorry,I forged your signature and have taken away all the cash in the bank account...
which i again hope you wont mind...I know you're a strong person,and a
hard-working man,and will earn it all again...You'll do it !!
Oh yea,i forgot,you'll have to move out within a week too,coz i've finalised a deal, and the house is sold...but i know u'll understand...i had to make a house for Kareena.

Lots and lots of love,
Your loving,obedient,caring,decent,responsible Son,
Divij.
Muah !!

PS - Dad,nothing of the above is true.
I'm at Tan's place...just wanted to remind you
that there are worse things in life than my boards result.
I love you a lot..
Call me when it's safe to come home.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jingle all the way..!!

Santa Claus...
Mah earliest references....
A video of mine(as a 2 year ol' kid) runnin away frm the santa at meridien...hidin' cuz he waz laughin so loudly...and i waz howlin at his sight...!!

a cuppula years later...i learnt that santa givz out gifts...Gifts..I lurved Gifts !!
So i loved santa...and got gifts evry year...!!

10 years later...i gotta know if i put up a list wid ma stockingz i'll get
wateva i write...
that year i wrote chocolates ( how damn lame.)...
I got chocolates...

next year i wrote a video game...i got that...

next year i wrote a cool mobike,an underground basketball court,a mercedes slr,the power to becum invisible,avril lavigne as ma girlfriend,a fleet of space-ships...
and santa took away even the stocking !!!!

two years i kept hangin ma socks with the same list...and wenever i woke up next mornin, the stockin was gone...(I guess ma dog cud be behind runnin away with the stocking..)..

This year,twas sumfin different...
Mah cuzin Peezee was havin a christmas party fr her kid brother...
told me to get a santa frm sumwer...I kept on thinkin where to get a Santa from..I thot up of the party...Peezee's supa hawt friends...and decided..I'll try ma hand at bein Santa..!!
Peezee kept on refuzin,she probably guessed it wud be disastrous....but I insisted on being santa...I had always hated kids..and I wanted to change..I wanted to be good to kids..and what better than Santa...and she finally agreed..

So Peezee and I went out to get sum stuff for the goodie bag...I wanted to be the coolest santa around...so got sum really cool books,snickers,color changin glitter pens,hot wheels,make ur own jewellery kits,lego sets,yo-yos...evrythin I wanted to get frm Santa at parties as a kid...nd all the retarded Santaz had were sweets or pencils or a tennis ball for a change !!
As far as the Santa clothes were concerned..Peezee told me she had a Santa attire thing...

The party...10 minutes before the party...I saw the freakin second hand santa claus uniform...urghhh...dry cleaning made it look almost like pink...
lookin at that thing,I changed ma mind...I'll not wear second hand thingz...
But she insisted i get that on,it had been worn juz once,that too by her friend,and had been dry cleaned afta that...
20 minutes of persuassion...and a deal that that she'll arrange a cool date wid one of her friend..
I agreed...(see,i can't really say no to people,am a nice guy from inside..)..

An hour into the party...I got into that retarded thing on top of the clothes i was wearing..and the santa mask...
entered the garden...
and wham..!!...50 three footed monsters were running towards me...
I never guessed sumfin like this wud happen...kids pulling me from every side...
I pushed 'em away ran away inside and locked maself...
Peezee came in agenn and askd me to go out,or her party was ruined...
I remembered the date,and walked out...
Agenn mobbed...I felt like a rockstar wid people screamin for me everywher...

I started off wid throwin off choclates....which got most of the kids away...
Except Mr.Chintamani..thats what I called him...was a small li'll kid with that irritatingly innocent look on his face...and a huge round harry potter style spectacles to go wid it...he looked as if he cuddav cleared the IIT entrance exam at 3 years of age...
Mr.Chintamani:Are you a female santa?
Me:Do i sound like one?
Mr. Chintamani:Den why are you wearing a pink santa dress ?
Me:Dude..Pink's the new black..Metrosexual men love pink..blacks are passe'..pinks are in !!
Mr. Chintamani:But Santa duzan wear black..he wears red..
Me:I'll get bak to u..juzta sec..

A small devil was hitting me frm behind..I gav him chocolates,he threw em and kept on punching..I was like..dude,take this lego set and be happy...He threw that and continued with his boxing...I was like.."why're you doin this..??"
He said..."cuz u didnt giv me a puppy last year !!.."
A PUPPY !! oh yaa..."I'll giv it to u tonite wen I climb ur chimney..."
But he said he had no chimney in his home...
and continued hitting me for 20 minutes...till i picked him up,swayed him around and shouted HA HA HA (in the mostest scary way I ever could..)..
Mr chintamani came up..."Santa duzzan do Ha Ha Ha..he does HO HO HO"..
I looked at him and shouted out.."HO HO HO !!!" (in no ways did that seem like I was laughing.!!....he said.."oh,so you're a dinosaur Santa ??"
I was almost in tears..."HO HO HOOOOO...Please dude..lemme go..!!"
I ran for ma life....

I noticed this super hawt chic(must be one of Peezee's friend..),And wnt to her to wish her a merry christmas..gave her snickers...and bak to kids..then went bak to her and gav her another snickers...then to one of the kids, and back to her...I gave her a make your own jewellery kit...
and Mr.chintamani came up..."How did u become so thin?"
"Dude...I told you I'm a meterosexual Santa...I am on diet..!!"
"Oh,but I saw you at the hotel last night,you were fat then..how did you become so thin in a day?"
"Dude..wait..that kid is crying..I'll get back to you..Two minutes.."
I ran frm ther agenn..I wanted ma parents to meet that kid...they always thought I was the most irritatig kid ever..!!

Got bakk to the hawt chic nd gave her the whole thing of snickers...
Peezee:"Divij !! you're here for the kids,not for the girls..!!"
Me.."yaa..I kno...I thot she's a kid.."..
I got bak to the bunch of devils and distributed sum more...and agenn that dude started beating me fr not giving him a puppy...Had to bear wid him...
Thn the pikcha session started...first the retarded kids,then the chics...
I felt the importance of being Divij...I alwayz knew I'd be famous...
and yesterday was the day..!!
I was getting pikchas clikked,when in came Mr. Chintamani for his pikcha wid me..
I tried to hide ma face...but he recognised me due to the pink retarded santa dress thing.."You still didnt tell me how you became so thin.."..
"Dude..I lived with a kid like you for 3 hours..he asked me so many questions that I lost all ma energy in answering the questions and therefore became thin.."
Mr Chintamani:But ma daddy is still fat...
Me:Does he answer all your questions?
Mr Chintamani:No..
Me:I know...I pity him...he doesnt answer your questions,thats why he's fat...
Mr.Chintamani:Then why..
I cut his sentence and told him to go,I had to get clicked with many more people...
I went back to Peezee's hot friend...and gave her a lego set..that was the only thing left with me...
The hot chic had most of the gifts I bought...and half the kids were hitting me cuz I didnt giv them a gift !!
she said"What'll I do with a lego set.??"..
Oh sorry..wait a minute...I saw a kid sitting on a chair,facing the opposite direction..he had a set of glitter pens on the chair next to him...
I slowly get behind and was juz about to run away with the glitter pens,when the child turned....Gawd !! It was Mr.Chintamani !!
"Are you giving ma gift to sum1 else ?"
"No...I'm exchanging yours with a lego set.."
"But I cant write with a lego set.."
"Ya right..keep the pens..!!"

Finally I came across the kid who wanted a puppy....I told him I'll giv him a puppy that night,but In return I'll hav to take away his snickers...
He agreed..and I took the snickers to the hot chic...
She looked at me...and was like.."I think with the amount of snickers you've given me..I can spend ma life livin on em.."..
"I like spreading sweetness around..."
"DIVIJ !!!!"..that was Peezee agen.."I told u stay with the kids..."
"See Peezee,Santa is JUST..non partial..he see's everyone as god's kids...i'm a kid..u're a kid..she's a kid...so i was with a kid..!!"...
Peezee:I knew you could never be a good santa...
Me: ha..!!..ask her...
The hot chic:Ya he's the best santa I've cum across...heehee..
Me:See...
Peezee:okay whateva...you're good with girls,not with kids..anywayz.get all the kidz here..we're about to cut the yule log...and goodie time..!!
I went ta call the kids...
Mr. Chintamani:Why do we call the cake a yule log?"
mE:Cuz its in the shape of a log...
Mr.Chintamani:I wanted to ask you one question...can I ?
(((I waz thinkin..One question ??????? You've asked me a 100 frikken questions,and asking fr permission to ask one more question..???)))
Me:Will you stop if I say no?
Mr Chintamani:ya i will..
Me:Awww,ure a nice kid...ask..
Mr.Chintamani:Why do we celebrate christmas ?
Me:Cuz its Santa Claus' b'day...
Mr.Chintamani:No,its Jesus Christ's birthday...
Me:Oh ya,I was juz testing your Gk..You're an intelligent boy..now go hav the yule log..
Mr.Chintamani:Why do we call it a Yule Log?Its juz a cake..
Me:Dude...hav it agenn..fill ur mouth with it till the point you cant speak anything...stay that way with yule stuffed in your mouth till 3 hours..you'll know...!!

I agenn went and stood beside the hot chic..."you like Yule stuff ??"
HC:I prefer the rum cake..plum cake i mean,but with rum..
Me:Oh ya..I luv plum cake too...so watre ur Xmas planz ?
HC:I really donno..
Me:Kay..Ice cream with Santa Claus ?
HC:Not christmas...a couple of days later,maybe..Pink Santa !!
Me:Pink,yea..thats style..innovation...rise up to mah level,you'll know..
HC:Okay wateva..how do we go? do you drive ?
Me:Yea..I do..
HC:So we'll fix up sumfin over the phone..
Mr.Chintamani(popping in between):but you hav a sledge no?
HC:(laughs loudly)
Me:Yea...yea..I drive it..was talkin about that only..
Mr Chintamani:So where is your sledge ?
Me:I left it back..
Mr Chintamani:Why?
Me:Cuz I ran outta fuel..
Mr.Chintamani:So how did u cum here?
Me:Took a lift...
HC:How can you answer all his stuff ?
Me:I love kids...I love talkin to kids..even i was a kid once..therefore am answerin him..
HC:You're sweet..
Me:Oh thanku...no one's ever told me that before..!!..By the way..I'm answerin him only cuz I wanta be a good Santa !!
HC:(Laughs Loudly)..okay,but Am sure people have told you you're really fun to talk to...
Me:Maybe,but their saying that doesnt really matter as much as yours does...
HC:Ahann..
Me:Yea,seriously..!!
Mr.Chintamani:How does your sledge fly?
Me:Dude,if i tie you to 8 flying reindeer,won't you fly?
Mr.Chintamani:Yes I would...
HC:Thats the best reazun I'v heard...
Mr.Chintamani:So does Mrs.Santa Claus also fly on the sledge?
Me:Dude..what on earth do u want from me?
Mr Chintamani:A hummer..or a ferrari...
Me:Dude...had I got a hummer or a ferrari.....why the fricken hell wud i be flyin around in that retarded sledge pulled by reindeer ??
Mr.Chintamani:I'm sorry Mr.Santa...
Me:Oh thats alrite...can u excuse me pleez ?I need to go...
Mr.Chintamani:Yes ofcorse Mr.Santa...
Me(to HC):You wannna stay here and answer his questions..??
HC:(laughing)..no no,am not that patient..
me:am dead...I cant stay in this thing anymore..
I removed the santa mask...

Mr.Chintamani:Oh,you're a fake Santa !! that was plastic surgery I know...Ure a burgular...Youve come here to steal gifts i know,you were stealing my pen set..
He shouted out loudly..."Burglar !! Burglar !! He's taking ma pen set and ma chocolates !!"...and started kickin at me wildly...
All the 50 3-footed rascals pounced on me and started beating me up...Peezee,her friends,and HC were laughin their brainz out...
I was thrown on the ground,stammered and beaten by a set of wild swines...*beep beep*..oh a message..was frm apoorva...i did wanna talk...but unfortunately cuddant..fought ma way typin sumthin...continued being beaten up...and till the point they tore off the santa dress thing..(thank god it was second hand,and me being ME,wore ma clothes under it !!!!!)

So 10 more minutes of being beaten up...
Den Peezee got the terrorists off me !!
I stole another 3-4 snickers frm sum kids and gave it to HC,and now she needed a whole big plastic bag to fill in all those gifts...
she was like.."U look better in blue than in pink..."..
uRGHH..AS if i go around wearing that second hand pink santa thing everyday..!!
Talked for 15 more minutes,fixed ma ice cream date...ma purpose was solved !!
I was a successful Santa,finally !!

I seriosuly donno how to end this post...
Ya..Jingle Bells..

Jingle bells Jingle bells...ee-aye-ee-aye-oooooo...
and santa claus had sum reindeer...ee-aye-ee-aye-oooo...
with a jingle bell here...and a jingle bell there...
jungle here jingle there..jingle jingle everywhere..
ee-aye-ee-aye-oooo

urhhh...((( was that ol' mc donald had a farm ?? )))WADEVA !!!

Encounter Specialist...

Disaster follows me like that stupid spasticated Hutch dog you're used to seeing in that ad...follows me wherever I go..
I tried telling Disaster..."Dude !! Changes are good..Hutch turned into Vodafone...and now U shud turn away from me..."
But man ! Disaster loves me more than my mother does !!
Here's another one...Day before yesterday..
I had gone out with Tanny(Tanny's permitted me to write her name )...was sooo much fun...
Visited mah favorite place Aura afta almost a month...
Got a bit late while returning,so I drove Tanny back to her uncle's place(thats where she's presently stayin')...We were sittin' outside the house in mah car and talkin' bout sum random stuff...She kept on telling me to come inside and sit in the garden..but I kept on refusing cuz I liked it in mah car,talkin and listening to songs...and was in no mood to stay for very long...But I Wish I had listened to her....
5 minutes of talkin...A cop parked his bike in front and told me to get off...

Here's the convo...I'll convert that to english (was in reeeeeal abusive hindi)...

Cop:License..
I showed him my license...nd I realised he was badly drunk...
Cop:Come on with me..
Me:Sir,whats the problem,ain't this fine ?
Cop:Dude,what're u doing with a gal in your car at 1.30 at night ?
Me:We were out wid Friends...This is her house,I came to drop her,was just talking...
Cop:You want me to believe this shit of ures ?
Me:U got any proof of what I was doin ? did u see me do anything wrong ?
Tanny got out of the car..
Tanny:Any problems ?
Me:U go inside the house...I'll get over with him nd giv u a call...
Cop:(To Tanny)Come here..
Me:Don't bring her into this...Please...I guess its better if we talk it over..keep her out of this for the time being...
Cop:Until I finish with you,she's not goin anywhere...
Me(to Tanny):Get into the car then...
I signaled her to call up her uncle or someone...
She thought I was telling her that if she stays out of the car,her uncle might
listen to her voice and come outside,and create more problems...So she quitly sat inside...(Duh,Tanny !!)
Cop:Dude,Am not her to see u guys screwing around...I'll call up ur house,her house,charge u up for misconduct in a public place...You'll be screwed,I'll see who saves you from me !!
Me:Sir,U cant do this..I hav not done anything wrong...
The cop kept on pulling his jacket,giving me view of his gun...
(U can imagine ma situation..)..
Cop:First tell the girl to come out...
Me:Why do you want to talk to her....??..
Cop:Dude,You are coming with me to the Police station..
Me:For What ? I haven't even done anything,sir!
Cop:You were making out with a girl in a public place..When a cop stopped you,You abused him,and when warned not to, you pushed him..a cop on duty !
Me:Whaaaaatttttt ??? I pushed you ?? abused you ?? When did I ?? I'm calling you Sir,giving you so much respect,and you're saying I abused you !!
Cop:You got any proof that you didn't ..??
I can get 20 people who will say you did !

The only way Out that I saw at that time was by bribing him...

Me:Sir please,what do you want from me,please settle things here and leave,please !
Cop:1500 bucks..
Me:I dont have 1500 bucks..I'll call up sum frnd and ask him to bring it..(I thought I'll call up mah dad..)
Cop:Dude,your hand goes towards your phone and you are history...
Me:Sir thats the only way I can help you..
Cop:How much cash do you have on you?
Me:500 bucks I guess..
Cop:Dude...you makin out in a honda with just 500 bux on you ?
Me:Sir,I was out with friends,and finished all mah money there..
Cop:Then you must be drunk too...
(His TOO made me feel like laughin..was he pointing at himself...TOO..?)
(But I understood he was adding that to the list of things he was blackmailing me for !!)
Me:Sir please,500 bucks..
Cop:Then I'll take away the charge of abusing...I'll say you were screwing and you pushed me,while I was on duty...lemme call up the Patrol jeep to take you...
The word CHARGE against me made me feel like Sanjay Dutt(who ofcourse is quite a frequent visitor of jail cuzza the bomb blast thing)
Me:Sir please,You know I never did any wrong..I'm just a kid..you can't do this to me !!
Cop:Kay,500 bucks..and you leave before I do...
I put ma hand in ma pocket..and out came a 1000 buck bill...I was like..Duh !!this was the last thing I expected to happen...I couldn't even ask him for change for 500 bucks...
Cop:You *@*#*%*^$ !!! Is this 500 bucks..??
Me:Oh sorry..I thought I had just 500...
Cop:I think you do need a dose
Me:Please!anyways you're getting a 1000 instead of 500..thats better for you,isn't it??
Cop:I'll take this,and leave you this time..But always remember me before you screw in a car..
I was like..of corse you spasticated moron !! How can I ever forget you..!!

I sat back in the car,apologised for what happened..Tanny knew it wasnt mah fault at all..We both were feeling bad about what happened..I told her to get inside before anything else happens..she smiled nd said.."I can never forget this..
was fun,inspite of all what happened.."
I can never forget that smile of hers...The cute dimples..shimmering eyes...
I said..."yea,your smile has made it worth remembering..."..
Damn...a policeman almost killed me just 5 minutes back..and I was there talkin to her about her smile..how fricken lame of me !!
anyways,if that smile's what I get in return,I'm glad it all happened..!!
Tanny giggled and said.."Yea right..Gud night nd take care...Bye !!"

I started off,on the way crossed a police check-post..where they were luckily just stopping trucks..extracting money from the poor chaps,ofcorse...!!
Seeing this I again abused the police...Fricken Corrupt Straydog molesters..wickedly grotesque lout and feculent, thick-headed ocular depravity to all discrimination !!!!(man..I just realised how innovative I am !!)
But mah anger and frustration turned to laughter when I read this line at the back of a police van parked there..
'DELHI POLICE.FOR YOU,WITH YOU,ALWAYS !'

SeLf AcTuaLizZzaTioNn !!

Being a member of the skool editorial board (yea...thats true !!...i know u won't believe that, specially after reading the rest of mah posts....hehe !!)....
I was supposed to write sumthin for the skool magazine...the topic given to me...
what I lurrrrved...Bunk !!...I shortlisted mah favorite bunks...cuddav gone on and on...writin about bunks...make a 12,739 page autobiography just about bunking experiences...but the skool authoroties wuddav killed me for that...probably the easier way for 'em would be by adding brocolli to mah hotdog !!..so to exempt maself from such an unsophisticated death....here's what I finally wrote....the piece of text that follows this,is the exact stuff I submitted.....


Bunk.
The Oxford English dictionary defines 'Bunk' as "making oneself absent by running off or away under suspicious circumstances."
Teachers define Bunk as " A felony, for which the delinquent must be imparted capital punishment."
Students define 'Bunk' as "The art of living..."..
For me.....It was a lott more than thiss...It was the beginning of the realization of a new Me.....
Self Actualization...as mah classmates would call it !!


When I joined this school in the 11th standard...I was this decent, sweet, studious,
*I have all the books in mah bag* kinda guy...yea....quite like that...with mah face dug into course books all day...and entertainment being sum fiction.

Weeks passed by till I really started getting a ife of mah own...
which started on with activities like 'Sleeping with mah head down while the teacher is making sum noise in the class...'.....
Perpetually proceeding to smiling at the cute girls in the class...and advancing to newspaper fights....water fights...chalk and ink fights....and all the types !!!

After a few days of my *I can't believe you do that* expressions...I did what I thouht would be worth a try...Playing Truant !!
The whole evening before D-Day...all that was on mah head was "Yeaahhh...!! I'll bunk mah maths class !!"...
It was the first time in mah life that I wanted to go to skool so baddd that I wouldn't have missed skool even if I had viral !!

In class...I was the only person who was excited at the thought of bunking the maths class....there were others too...who were bunking...but it didn't really excite them...While I had been a follower of mah same prosaic routine..they were
'bunking automatons'....bunking came naturally to 'em....and they are now perfectionists at it...

The bell rang....maths class...then began the conflicts.."Should I really bunk ?? Gaaaawdd...am I really gonna do this ??....What If...the disciplinarian catches me at it ??...."
Then I gave a thought to the Maths class......Derivatives...their applications..Integration..their Relations...Matrices...Determinants...all kindzaa numberss....Mannn !!...Bunking was a better Idea !!

Once outta the class...I ran to the football field.....where all the other boys were...But soccer ain't mah forte....I moved on to the canteen...where I happened to meet the CUTEST girl in the school...
She was from a different section...and I presumed that she too was bunking...
She looked at me,and smiled...(whatta smile !!....I can never forget that !!)...and the smile told me that she knew what I was upto...then followed her exclamation "So..even the new boy is bunking.."..I was like "uhmmm..yea..!!"...
then we got into a conversation which came to an end with the ringing of the bell....
I cuddav stayed there taliknn to her till the end of the world...but..watevaa !!..
It seemed like it was the SHORTEST PERIOD EVER !!

This happens....you know....That's what the theory of relativity is all about..
"Two seconds with your hand on a stove is like an hour on it...an hour with a pretty gal is like a second.."....The exact words of Einstien to get his Theory across to the people...ok..am not here to talk about Einstien or his theories...I was talking about that Cute girl...the first time I talked to her...and how I hated going back to class...!!

Yea then the Cute girl...no !! This article is not about the cute girl...this is about the bunk.....The shortest period ever...My first Class Bunk !! yea...so gettin back to the Bunk..
Deep down inside me...I did have a sense of satisfaction...
Bunking a class...not getting into any trouble...and yea...Making a new friend..(the Cute girl...remember ??)

That bunk made a new me...
A new person... more confident of myself...More open to accepting challenges....
More daring than before...and the birth of a new ability..Perfidiousness...that is, the art of making excuses.
Bunking, I guess is fine once in a while....helpful in a sense...
helps bring out the adventurous side of a person (and surely....Much more interesting than MATHEMATICS !!)...can relieve you of the burden of course books...cummon !!...everyone needs a break once in a while !!
Bunking helps create a stronger bond of trust and friendship among students...
and yea...making new friends too..(remember...the Cutest girl in school ??)

4 dayzz...7 mis-haps...

Now...(ha..dont expect sumthin very excitin' just cuz I'm startin it wid "Now")..this post too,like the prev one....and the onez before that...actually like all the posts on this blog....is bein' written juz for the sake of writing...
I can't really live widout writing stuff...thats one way I spread my perpetual insanity all around..

This onez about 4 consecutive dayz..actually...nights....at the parties...
(Iti not bein in Delhi...she waznt there !! (( for the onez who r thinkin it was partyin wid her..!)))
4 nite-outs of diet pepsi for me , and screw-drivers for ma frnz..(hehe)..
4 nite-outs of dancing like maddd..
4 nite outs of meeting new ppl...(i mean the chics)...
4 nite-outs of bein wid frnzz..
4 nite-outs of real psychedelic
4 nite-outs of hittin' on 7 pataka babez...
nd 7 unfortunate meetingz...(sob sob...)..One is incumplete..hope it works...pray for me guyzz... !!

Accordin' to meee...it was a disaster...I've realised that
disaster iz the only one who luvvzz me..and follows me wherever I go...
singin out...U and I...in this beautiful world..green grass blue sky...
duh...who cares about the green grass...the gal in that green top waz better...and yea...the second one who waz high on grass...who thinkz of the blue sky...I better give thought to the gal in the short blue denim skirt...
Beautiful world...i kno u guessed it...now which dumb retard wud think i wud look at the beautiful world when ther r sooo many more beautiful "Patakas" to watch...

So these are the experiences...
First was this real babe...dusky and hot...
I began talkin' to her usin references nd stuff...den she was like..
"oh !! U're Divij....I hav heard of U...Ure sucha Bratt...
Tanya wz talkin bout u the other day nd I was thinkin..What a spoily bratty kidd..!!"
Now...that did hurt...Me ?? Bratty ??
I kept on arguing for an hour...usin all ma dialogue power acquired from 17 years of movie watching , reading...and learnin it all up..and sum which came from experience...and sum which were instantaneous...
I kept on tokkin tokkin and tokkin...then after 35 minz of mah talkin continously and she smilin at it...she said her dialogue..."B**N C**D ab chup kar jaa...theek hai tu jeet gaya..par ab moo mat kholna apna"....

I walked away...sad and disappointed...nd just then a gal stadin behind said "Hey Divij..."...I was like.."hello...do i know u ??"...oh yea...we hav talkd so much on orkut..i hav the screen name 'purple haze'...Ooohh yea...I knew her...I had flirted around wid her soooo much....she knows me..and wz sure she duzzan think I am Bratty..!!
I toked for 2 minz..till I said sumthin...and she laughed....
uuurrrggghhh...
she laughed like a hyena...loud , and followed by grunting...
which wz sucha turn off..and to top that...the round of drooling...eeeeewwwwww.....
i told her I'll catch up wid her in 5 minzz..and walked off...
Wz wid ma frnz afta that...nd danced the nite away makin sure not bumpin into her again..and deleted her frm ma frnz list as soon as I logged in the next day..

The third...a really cute kinduva gal...
I was just sittin and lookin' at ppl wen a she came and sat next ta me...
I smiled...and so did she...so we began a casual talk...
She was cool...talked sensible stuff nd dats wat I liked...
Cute..Brainy...Sounded mature...purrrfect..
I kept on talkin to her..den danced wid her...dn she went ta hav a drink..nd askd me to sit wid her...I went and sat nd tokked for sum more time...den I asked her wat standard was she in...(bein a frnd'z party...I thot she wud be in his class or sumthin...)....
She laughed and said she was doin her interior decoratin thing...was 25 years old...

Mannn...beat that...I was tryin to hit on a gal whoze 25 yearz old...(looks like 17 though)...and hs spent 3 hours wid a 17 year ol' kid....now that's weird..!!...
I got up nd told her I had to go to ma frnzz...and left sayin "Nice talkin to u, aunty !!"...

The fourth...was sittin alone cuz she had a fite wid her boyfrnd...
so I thot it was betta to leave her alone..
den i thot...a heatr-broken gal iz easier to talk to....sum dialogues...a shoulder to cry on...make her feel special...dats it !! easy..!!
So I just began tokkin wen her boyfrnd came...a huge 6 foot 4 inch monster...who smacked me..i went flyin..
The gal saw what he did..nd realized dat he still di lurvv her a lott nd hugged him as if He saved her from an alien attack or from a person who was forcin her to eat brocolli...
wateva...the gal was happy no...that made me happy...
(See...I ain't that bad a guy)...

Fifth...was a gal who actually hit on me..(i swear...thats true..)...
But all she talked of was studies...and computers...and economixx...and the latest business news stuff...All those who know me well wud hav guessed by now at what speed I ran off from there...

The sixth was a gal who wasn't interested in dating anyone....
I said I wasn't in for Dating...nd we started arguin which ultimately ended in a fite...

The last was Gulneet..a frnd'z cuzin...
We had chatted b4 , but I had neva met her...
wen I heard her name..I thot she wud be an aunty kinduva person...
wen I saw her...I was in a different world...
Psychedelic duz dat to me too...but dis was not cuz of the music..
nd waznt drunk...so i knew it was becozz of her..
I cuddan stop starin...mustav looked so dumb..but..wateva !!
She was a real real hottie...but for the name...ok...but thats fynn..
Yea...so we talked on for sum tym,nd I realized she was badly drunk...
She saved her numba in ma phone nd askd me to save mine in herzz...
and I hav been tryin callin her all sunday...she didn't pik up the phone...
i startd thinkn she took ma number to put it on the
"DO NOT ANSWER" list...
But den..monday mornin I get 9 missed calls frm her between 3.30 and 4.43 A.M....
weirdoooo....
I calld up agenn...but switched off...
Wateva...She's one nite creature...nd I wunda how she manages skool nd partyin..!!

I gotta go and try callin her up agenn..so buzz off..the story endz !!

Studiez.....Perpetual Confusion...!!

This Blog Post......is being written...just for the sake of writing !!
By the way,I just noticed that starting a post with "This blog post" gives the reader an uneasy feeling , as if the next words are half expected to be " is my last, so goodbye to Moo (my dear pet cow) (sniff)" , or something along the lines of "is my last, for I have found Light in Auroville ". Well, the masochistic reader neednt be scared. I have every intention of continuing with my bombardments.

Anyway, this blog post has nothing to do with Shallow incoherent wordplays. Ahem . Did anyone dare to suggest that? It doesnt even have anything to do with the shallowness (and the depth thereof ) of our everyday lives and our day to day existence. I can imagine you getting to the very edges of your seats at this very moment. In fact, I am not at all writing about shallownewss, so you can get back into your seats.....

....Man....I m wastin' mah time thinkin' of what to write...
Instead of doin' mah Psychology Project..!!
10 dayz left for vacationz to end...nd I don evenn know what mah holiday homework izz...13 dayzz left for mah examzz....I don even know whatzz the course included..!!

This happens with a lot of...no ....sum of....actually....very few kidzz....
I wanna study...But....Damn...Studiez ?? I got better thingzz to do...
Like watchin Television...nea....not reely...chekin out sum flicks...playin' Snookers....
Goin' out for sum Bird-watchin....uuhh...no...itz too damn hot to be outdoors...
Then there r a lotta video gamez to be played...game records to be set...
Basketball skillz to be improved...but thats in the evenin'....
Then....thoughts of galzz...food...Bikes.... OOhhh yea...i gotta go to get mah bike fixed...
man..I forgot !!....ok...I'll go afta half an hour...
Nd then therez the Psychology project to be dun !!

Divij's grudge wid studiez started as a small little kid...
Its not that I don like studiez....
But ther wer certain thingzz that drew me away....

MATHS - I cuddav been a wonderful student at maths...I love numbersss...I live for numberss...Numbers are sumthin u need all ur life...Ther r so many galzz out there...u gotta take cell numberss.....residence numberss..car numberss...Man....from where did i get to talkin about chics ?? I was talkin about...maths....!!...
Wen I was a 4 year old kid....I once got a terrible flu...due to which i cudnt attend skool for 3 dayzz....
In those 3 dayzz..the rest of the class was taught addition nd subtracton....
I missed that out.....Therefore mah mathematical inabilities...Had i not been sufferin' from flu...I wud have been a Mathematician today !!
(I wanna sur the ruthless inhuman skool guyzz...they cudnt postpone studiez for 3 dayzz ??...a poor kid wz sufferin from flu...nd he continues to suffer till now...!!...u probably understood in WHAT WAY..!! )

INFORMATIX - Computer classes....for those who don't know it !!
Relatives , Lamebrains , Kidz,and people with Heart Problems...Not THAT heart problems...i mean the Medical Heart problemss..!!...Yeaa..those people mentioned above...Puhleez leave readin what lead to mah inabilities in this subject...go on to the next subject..!!..Thankyou !!
We had this wonderful Computer teacher who pronounced disks as dicks... which came to light when he came to teach us all about 'The Wonderful World of Hard Dicks'. Now far be this from the usual smut and flesh shows of the gay porn genre that so so many students are used to, this was a boring old lecture on how hard dicks work, these were the gems uttered:
- "Everyones who has a computer, must be having a hard dicks"
- "Before, Hard dicks were big, now they are small and fit in small space like small areas in laptops (i beg to differ, and how horny do u have to be to put ur weiner in a laptop mannn, seriously!)
- "Hard dicks are usually found one on top of each other" (he's probably talkin about he and his buds get down and dirrrtyyy)
- "Hard dicks have heads between them to take the information on them"
- "Hard dicks are bigger than floppy dicks because they is being hard so more things on them we can do" (Partly true and partly.....Wake up!!)

Now the striking thing is that of the class of 50, only 6 people were laughing...
Dodos !!
And the skool people blamed the students that they didnt perform well at Informatixx..


ENGLISH - English waz mah subject....I luved English cuz this waz the only subject I scored in, widout any efforts...Nd I loved Scoring...Until I Loved the English Teacher...!!
Phew...what a lady !!...Infact...not really a lady... waz quite young...yea maybe...
But whateva.....The way she laughed...spoke...taught..which I hardly concentrated on...The way she Said " DIVIJ...UR WORK IS INCOMPLETE !!...GET OUTA THE CLASS !!"
I fell for the English teacher...nd gradually Fell in English !!

PSYCHOLOGY - I like Psyc...DAMN !! THE PSYCHOLOGY PROJECT !!...its still incumplete...infact...unstarted...K...I'll start workin on it from Tomorrow !!
I thought I had a reaalyy good impression on mah Psychology Sir....
I kinda liked readin bout madmen...people with disorders...S.F.Ms...Now, not many people know what that is...can't write it down...but yea...we do study that too..!!THEN One day mah Psychology Teacher told me that I can be the man behind unfolding a lot of mysteries in the world of Psychology....Every student who studiez psychology readz mah name...They say thank god for Divij..no...Thank Devil for Divij...!!
I was like..."Yea Sir...Divij...behind unfoldin mysteries in the world of psychology....revealin secrets of madmen nd people with all kindza mental disorders..!!..I am ready for this....What all do I need to do ?? "
Sir Replied.."Get urself admitted in any of the good Psychology schools...
Thats it...They'll study U and unfold mysteries !! "
Grrrrr.....I hate Psychology...I hate Studiez bout Madmen !!

ECONOMICS - what they teach us -
study about how to save Money....Save MONEY...SAVE MONEY !!
Then why the heck do people go around Earnin' it ???
Ask ur dad for a 100 bucks bill nd save it for the rest of ur life..!!

study from where does money cum from ??
Dad'z office...ofcourse..!!

study how to earn muney...
Did all those guyz out there study economics ??

study about unlimited wants...
Ha...ask me that...i know it betta....

study bout limited meanz to satisfy the wants..
yea right..1 dad..1 mom....thats it !!

I HATE ECONOMICS...cuz life iz not just about money...
(Therez mastercard too !! )...no , kiddin....
Therz a lot to life other than money....
Galzz...Food...Partiez...Bikes!! ( that remindz me...gotta go to get mah bike repaired...ohk....20 minutes laterr !! )
But all of the above require Money....so yea...Economix is important...
But I'll start studyin Eco from Tomorrow....
No...Tomorrow I have to start mah Psycho Project..!!
So Day after tomorrow...Economixxx !!

Ohk...thats enuf talkin about studiez...
I have got better thingz to do than to think or write about studiez....
Like watchin Television...nea....not reely....chekin out sum flicks...playin' Snookers....
Goin' out for sum Bird-watchin....uuhh...no...itz too damn hot to be outdoors...
Then there r a lotta video gamez to be played...game records to be set...
Basketball skillz to be improved...but thats in the evenin'....
Then....thoughts of galzz...food...Bikes.... OOhhh yea...i gotta go to get mah bike fixed...
man..I forgot !!....ok...I'll go afta half an hour...
Nd then therez the Psychology project to be dun !!

I WANNA BE...

Every time you sit with me in mah car , It is quite a possibility that you'll hear
Bryan Adams screamin... I wanna be...(Yea, the same one..)... Every second person i meet asks me... What do u wanna do after the 12th ???.... And I'm like....
" uuhhh........I wanna be......uuuuuuhhh........
uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh........
I WANNNA BE......
uuuhhhh.....
uuuuuuhhhhhhmmmm.....Do u have sum other question to ask ??? !!!! "
Then starts the story... U MEAN HAVE U NOT DECIDED WHAT U R GONNA DO ??
.....U NEED COUNSELLING !!!.......LOOK AT BLAH BLAH MR. X.... HE IZ IN CLASS 6TH AND HE HAS DECIDED UPON ENGINEERING......OH MY GOD !!! SON IT IS HIGH TIME.....
THE WORLD IS A TOUGH PLACE TO LIVE IN....THERZ HELLUVA LOTTA COMPETITION.....
UR LIFE WILL BE A MESS.......U CAN'T HAVE UR PARENTS FEEDIN' YOU ALL YOUR LIFE....
THIS WORLD IS NOT A PLACE FOR CONFUZED PEOPLE.....!! BLAH BLAH...
DISHUM !!!...DHIIIISHHHAAAMM.....!!!.......BANG !!........WHAM !!....SLAM...!!!!!
.....OHK... ENUF !!

.....The list iz endless....
But az i Put it......
AMBITION IS A MERELY A LAZY EXCUSE....
FOR NOT HAVIN' AN EXCUSE FOR BEING LAZY.. !!
...
.....
.......
I wanna tell 'em....
MAI SCIENTIST BANU , PAR ACHCHA SCIENTIST NA BANU TO KYA FAAYDA.....
MAI GHAAS KAATNE WAALA BANU , PAR ACHCHA , TO FAAYDA HAI... !!!

Ohk... thats a good dialogue adapted from Farhan Akhtar's masterpiece - Lakshya..!!
yEA Lakshya....Lakshya iz sumthin I can connect mah lyf wid...Lakshya !!
Confusion....Confusion.....Confusion........Sum eccentricness....confusion.......a bitta childish innocence....More Confusion.....Thats me !!
The difference is he reached 13000 feet and 21..no 22....maybe 20 years..wateva...
to Realize what he was....
He Found his Lakshya.....uuuhhh....big word..!!...LAKSHYA !!!

Lakshya means I WANNA DO....I WANNA REACH..... I WANNA BE....
YEA....I WANNA BE.... thats the topic , not discussion bout the movie...!!

Koi engineer ka kaam karega...Business mei koi apna naam karega...
Papa Kehte hain badaa naam karega....Beta hamara aisa kaam karega....
Magar Yeh to..Koi na Jaana....Ke Meri manzil hai Kaha......

Ohk..serious now...One day I wanna be .....I wanna be.....

Maybe a chef( Salaam Namaste.... Saif iz cool.....Good food all around....
and yea... thats a cool way to wooo any gal...a self made dinner by the beach !!)...
Maybe.....uuuuhhh....Journalism....(..War Correspondence....Adventure...
Writing...Whacky Interviewz....Alwayz updated with all the cool happeninz...nd Gossip ofcourse !!...cool !! )...
Maybe....Hotel Management...( Food... Best Parties....Style....Authority...Soundz interestin , ah ??..)
Maybe....A Rockstar...( 10,000 people screamin at ur show....what else do u want from life ?? )
Maybe....A Deejay.....( Listenin to songs , playing around with songs...
Feeling music all day....Bein in a cool Discotheque....Chics... and all that Jazz..A job u can do Sitting all day..!!)
Maybe... an author...( Doin' what I am Doin right now.... Nothin actually....
...but I wonder who'll read all the Crap I right...)
Maybe... a Informatix Oriented Audio Engineer....( ONLY SOUNDS COOL...I DONNO WHAT THE HELL IS IT..!! )
Maybe....A fashion photographer...(Limelight...Glamour...Good Money...Bestest Models...Bestest Parties....Bestest people around....sounds Glamorous !!)
Maybe....A Food engineer turned Chocolate Taster for Hersheyzz...
( Gettin payed to taste the best Chocolates in the world....Havin 'em al day....
WHAT A LIFE.. !! )
Maybe...I go in for the Army.... waise I was Jokin... Bad idea....!!!..
no, not that bad.......but kinda bad.....which meanz....NO !!
( But the uniform iz cool...the style....the gunz....the honour...badgez ...
medalz.....bravery....chivalry.....they make a man !!)...but I am good as I am...enough of manliness...!!
Maybe....A Scientist...will make an automated Homework machine...
(Although all the children will bless me...
But no.....I mahself will not hav any homework when i becum a scientist...that meanz I suffer all ma lyf doin homework..and the next kids hav a homework machine ?? No way !!....I AM SELFISH...
so no scientist !!)
Maybe....a Computer Game developer...
( All the kidz will swear by the games i will create.... but that takes tooo much of hard work...I'll distribute toffies n get famous wid kidzz instead..!! )
So why not...A BIKE RACER !!..( life meanz..Speed !!....ride the fastest , meanest machines...get payed for that...a fan followin' of a million.....The excitement...
The danger...whoa !!...thats coool..!! )...But..Pro Bikers ought to be light framed...the 5 feet sumthin inched 100 pound body.....now..thats not me !!
Maybe...
uuuuhhhhhh.....
Hmmmmmmmm.........
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................
Errrrrrrrrrrr..........
Whateva !!
I am happy as I am....What I am....The Way I am.....
I like mah life today.....nd Trust Lord Devil that he wont let any kinda problem eclipse ma future...Whateva happenz...happenz for the best....
Jo bhi banenge....Dekha Jayega !!
Nd by the way...if u hv any, any suggestion for me...That u think wud be interestin enuf for me to turn ambitious....
puhleez reply n lemme know..!!

Torture....Serious Torture !!

What do u think of when u first hear the word " TORTURE" ??

....maybe a prisoner being tortured...or maybe...Taliban....or maybe...
the middle east countries....or maybe...attending chemistry classes....
or maybe....a Gal pestering her boyfrnd...Or maybe....eating Green Vegetables...

But no...I m not writin' about any of these tormenting activities....
I m writing about sumthin that No Talibanese wud have dun..not even to George Bush..
Sumthin that No Gal wud do to a Boy...
Sumhtin thats as good as eating Stinky green Vegetables..!!..but the vegetable effect stays for a cupl of hours...maximum !!
Sumthin..that no Chemistry class can do to a kid...(well..i gotta think about this one...i m confused....both are equally torturous !! )

You guys readin this can read this and laugh...or wateva...
But...For one moment...try to be humane...Try to put urself in mah position...
..nd see how painful Life can get...
When u r in a Sleeper Class Train of The Indian Railways !!
(Mah first journey by a train like this...)

This excruciating act was forced upon us by our skool authorities...
Wen we had to get back from Goa...where we had gone for a skool trip...
Forget Goa...Forget the trip...Concentrate on the Train...
A tacky...smelly train...travelling in it on the last day of may...
The temperature outside bein' 44 degrees....and not even an A.C....
The only relief we had was...The presence of Friends around !!

The first few hours wer lyk fine...masti...playin games nd stuff...
then it like got really very hot...
People all around u...not even a fan workin properly...
It was soo humid....the temperature rising....U cud literally see blood evaporatin' through ur veins..!!
It was the day I planned to turn Vegetarian...cuz...
I Felt the pain...the pain that turkeyz nd chicken must be undergoin' wen theyre put inside an oven...nd Dhishhh....I turned Vegetarian !!

The train journey....was the first time I was like in front of a real eunuch who wz ther to collect money...I mean....
A eunuch who looked more like a monster...had one eye stitched...and webbed fingers( I am NOT jokin'...trust me....or ask any of mah friendz who wer ther...)..
"IT" was quite scary to look at..and no one wud like to remember such a person...
but "IT"s lines to collect money wer sumthin that I cn neva forget...
To-
Ankit H.(now I donno the poora name): "Aye, jaldi se 10 ki patti nikal nai to lip to lip pappi de dungi..."
And Ankit H whatever....besharmon ki tarah mouth spray use karke ready...but the eunuch changed planz lookin at him...!!
Then came a tacky pikup line to Shivank...who gave the money...
Then "IT" turned towards Anish...cheezy sa dialogue maara...but seein Anish's expression lost hope of gettin anythin, nd commented:Ye to Shakal se hi Kanjus Lagta hai..ye kya dega...
Rahul Agarwal nahi tha..nai to wo to Eunuch se bhi paise nikalwa leta ..!!
Then the eunuch turned towards me..nd b4 "IT" cud say anythin to me...
I Gave him a 50 bux bill nd said: Ye le lo , pleez dialogue mat maarna..!!"
..."IT" got me really scared at that time..!!...but "IT" was decent , who returned 40 bucks to me sayin "IT" took only 10 bucks from evryone...nice fellow !!

The journey waz supposedly an excruciating 30 hour one....
and Turned up to be almost 55 hours of TORTURE....and Fruit Cake !!

26 hourz into the journey...when home seemed like minutes away...our train stopped at sum villagy station with not even a vendor who sold Mineral water...
all that was available was stinky Daal Vadda...(For those who donno what it is... don ask me , puhleez...cuz so dont I..!!)
The train was caught amidst riots between sum Gujjar clan nd sum other tribes...
The train was stationed at that place for 3 hourz nd then we were told that the train ll go back half way nd reach Delhi via sum other route , cuz of tracks being damaged in front....nd then..Started the rumours( I dint even care to find out if they were true or not) that the train in front of ourz was burnt....
Panick spread in the train , wid Students wantin to get back to their comfort dens...and even mobile phone bateriez started to end...to stop all connectionz wid parents...
The train, moving back from where we came... reached sum other small town station where we wer told not to open compartment doors or anythin...cuz of the raging mob on the station...who were banging and chargin at the train to break windows or doors..... a Rambo follower got in thru the window and opened the doors...
within seconds...the compartments wer filled with a thousand people...end each of them had 30 howling children by their side....
We were terrified....we thought them to be the onez behind the riots...
but they wer juz people runnin away from home or wer people whoz trains had been cancelled or burnt...Just normal people....but too many of them....

We travelled for another 20 hours wid the Runawayz,who didnt care that they wernt booked on the train...nd we were....
Who didnt care how much of difficulty we faced cuz of em...
Who...didnt care enough to buy a deoderant....man.... the stink that filled the compartment was enuf to kill a normal human bein'...thank Lord Devil he saved me !!
We reached home after 55 hourz in the train...all we had to eat was Fruit cake that the Pantry in the train sold...all we had to drink was Garam Pepsi...
all we had to breathe was the stink....all we had to entertain ourselvez was lookin at each otherz expressions !!...
I m here in front of the computer writin dis for u to read...all thanxx to mah friends....jinki waja se i survived the pain....and to Lord Devil ,of course..!!
Man...never ever in mah life will I sit in a train again... !!

Biking Experiences...More of 'em....Which never actually happened !!

WARNING:THIS POST IS NOT MINE.IT'S DEVARTH'S.HE WANTED TO CONTRIBUTE STUFF TO MA BLOG SO HE WAS DICTATING AND I WAS TYPING.
CONTENTS ARE PURELY FICTIOUS,BUT RESEMBLANCE TO OTHER PEOPLE,LIVING AND DEAD IS INTENDED.!!

First of all.....
This Post is all thanxx bunch of ideas given by Devarth...So read Dev goin' Creative..

This was when Devarth nd I.... were tryin out our bikin' speed on the Mumbai-Pune expressway....
Then John Abraham overtook us....speeding his Hayabusa Gsx 1300.....

I GOT FURIOUS.... hell !!.... how can a dude overtake Divij ????..

So i started on chasin' him....
Devarth bent down.... and at 270 kmph picked up a stone from the road and hit it at John... which hit him on his AGV helmet...shattering it to pieces....
He turned around....and banged into a cyclist......who was Bipasha Basu's brother....Broke his leg...
The rest is history....

We overtook him and won..... Thats why he cooked up a story to save himself from embarresment of losin'....!!
This is called...EXTREME BIKIN' !!

10 minutes laterrrrr..... we crossed Hrithik Roshan....ridin' a Gixxer...shootin' for Dhoom 2.....we sped past him , n Devarth ne uske head pe ek thapad maara...SLAM !!....nd the poor guy lost his hair...
Thats y he wears the curly hair wala wig....
He tried to chase us.... But the poor chap unfortunately didnt get close to us...but there was a crossing in front...nd the frigginn train was passin' at that time...
I switched on the Nitrox Cyllinders...nd tried to jump from above the train...but slammed into it...and tore the train apart...we luckily got to the other side unhurt and the bike goin' perfectly well...


Cuz of the 30 second nitrox effect...we were at a stupefyin' speed...
just then we saw Abhishek nd Ash cruisin in front of us in his new bentley...
(very strong bodied bentley)..
..Abhishek was drivin' with Ash next to him....

We were staring at Ash and....duh....slammed into the car...
in the mid portion of the car....
Abhishek went on one side...and Ash took half of the car wid her to the other side...
We still....were unhurt and the bike perfectly alryt....We then had ice cream nd went home...


WE APOLOGISE PUBLICLY TO ALL THE PEOPLE FOR LOSS(ES) TO PROPERTY...(AND PHYSICAL APPEARENCES..)