Studiez.....Perpetual Confusion...!!

This Blog Post......is being written...just for the sake of writing !!
By the way,I just noticed that starting a post with "This blog post" gives the reader an uneasy feeling , as if the next words are half expected to be " is my last, so goodbye to Moo (my dear pet cow) (sniff)" , or something along the lines of "is my last, for I have found Light in Auroville ". Well, the masochistic reader neednt be scared. I have every intention of continuing with my bombardments.

Anyway, this blog post has nothing to do with Shallow incoherent wordplays. Ahem . Did anyone dare to suggest that? It doesnt even have anything to do with the shallowness (and the depth thereof ) of our everyday lives and our day to day existence. I can imagine you getting to the very edges of your seats at this very moment. In fact, I am not at all writing about shallownewss, so you can get back into your seats.....

....Man....I m wastin' mah time thinkin' of what to write...
Instead of doin' mah Psychology Project..!!
10 dayz left for vacationz to end...nd I don evenn know what mah holiday homework izz...13 dayzz left for mah examzz....I don even know whatzz the course included..!!

This happens with a lot of...no ....sum of....actually....very few kidzz....
I wanna study...But....Damn...Studiez ?? I got better thingzz to do...
Like watchin Television...nea....not reely...chekin out sum flicks...playin' Snookers....
Goin' out for sum Bird-watchin....uuhh...no...itz too damn hot to be outdoors...
Then there r a lotta video gamez to be played...game records to be set...
Basketball skillz to be improved...but thats in the evenin'....
Then....thoughts of galzz...food...Bikes.... OOhhh yea...i gotta go to get mah bike fixed...
man..I forgot !!....ok...I'll go afta half an hour...
Nd then therez the Psychology project to be dun !!

Divij's grudge wid studiez started as a small little kid...
Its not that I don like studiez....
But ther wer certain thingzz that drew me away....

MATHS - I cuddav been a wonderful student at maths...I love numbersss...I live for numberss...Numbers are sumthin u need all ur life...Ther r so many galzz out there...u gotta take cell numberss.....residence numberss..car numberss...Man....from where did i get to talkin about chics ?? I was talkin about...maths....!!...
Wen I was a 4 year old kid....I once got a terrible flu...due to which i cudnt attend skool for 3 dayzz....
In those 3 dayzz..the rest of the class was taught addition nd subtracton....
I missed that out.....Therefore mah mathematical inabilities...Had i not been sufferin' from flu...I wud have been a Mathematician today !!
(I wanna sur the ruthless inhuman skool guyzz...they cudnt postpone studiez for 3 dayzz ??...a poor kid wz sufferin from flu...nd he continues to suffer till now...!!...u probably understood in WHAT WAY..!! )

INFORMATIX - Computer classes....for those who don't know it !!
Relatives , Lamebrains , Kidz,and people with Heart Problems...Not THAT heart problems...i mean the Medical Heart problemss..!!...Yeaa..those people mentioned above...Puhleez leave readin what lead to mah inabilities in this subject...go on to the next subject..!!..Thankyou !!
We had this wonderful Computer teacher who pronounced disks as dicks... which came to light when he came to teach us all about 'The Wonderful World of Hard Dicks'. Now far be this from the usual smut and flesh shows of the gay porn genre that so so many students are used to, this was a boring old lecture on how hard dicks work, these were the gems uttered:
- "Everyones who has a computer, must be having a hard dicks"
- "Before, Hard dicks were big, now they are small and fit in small space like small areas in laptops (i beg to differ, and how horny do u have to be to put ur weiner in a laptop mannn, seriously!)
- "Hard dicks are usually found one on top of each other" (he's probably talkin about he and his buds get down and dirrrtyyy)
- "Hard dicks have heads between them to take the information on them"
- "Hard dicks are bigger than floppy dicks because they is being hard so more things on them we can do" (Partly true and partly.....Wake up!!)

Now the striking thing is that of the class of 50, only 6 people were laughing...
Dodos !!
And the skool people blamed the students that they didnt perform well at Informatixx..


ENGLISH - English waz mah subject....I luved English cuz this waz the only subject I scored in, widout any efforts...Nd I loved Scoring...Until I Loved the English Teacher...!!
Phew...what a lady !!...Infact...not really a lady... waz quite young...yea maybe...
But whateva.....The way she laughed...spoke...taught..which I hardly concentrated on...The way she Said " DIVIJ...UR WORK IS INCOMPLETE !!...GET OUTA THE CLASS !!"
I fell for the English teacher...nd gradually Fell in English !!

PSYCHOLOGY - I like Psyc...DAMN !! THE PSYCHOLOGY PROJECT !!...its still incumplete...infact...unstarted...K...I'll start workin on it from Tomorrow !!
I thought I had a reaalyy good impression on mah Psychology Sir....
I kinda liked readin bout madmen...people with disorders...S.F.Ms...Now, not many people know what that is...can't write it down...but yea...we do study that too..!!THEN One day mah Psychology Teacher told me that I can be the man behind unfolding a lot of mysteries in the world of Psychology....Every student who studiez psychology readz mah name...They say thank god for Divij..no...Thank Devil for Divij...!!
I was like..."Yea Sir...Divij...behind unfoldin mysteries in the world of psychology....revealin secrets of madmen nd people with all kindza mental disorders..!!..I am ready for this....What all do I need to do ?? "
Sir Replied.."Get urself admitted in any of the good Psychology schools...
Thats it...They'll study U and unfold mysteries !! "
Grrrrr.....I hate Psychology...I hate Studiez bout Madmen !!

ECONOMICS - what they teach us -
study about how to save Money....Save MONEY...SAVE MONEY !!
Then why the heck do people go around Earnin' it ???
Ask ur dad for a 100 bucks bill nd save it for the rest of ur life..!!

study from where does money cum from ??
Dad'z office...ofcourse..!!

study how to earn muney...
Did all those guyz out there study economics ??

study about unlimited wants...
Ha...ask me that...i know it betta....

study bout limited meanz to satisfy the wants..
yea right..1 dad..1 mom....thats it !!

I HATE ECONOMICS...cuz life iz not just about money...
(Therez mastercard too !! )...no , kiddin....
Therz a lot to life other than money....
Galzz...Food...Partiez...Bikes!! ( that remindz me...gotta go to get mah bike repaired...ohk....20 minutes laterr !! )
But all of the above require Money....so yea...Economix is important...
But I'll start studyin Eco from Tomorrow....
No...Tomorrow I have to start mah Psycho Project..!!
So Day after tomorrow...Economixxx !!

Ohk...thats enuf talkin about studiez...
I have got better thingz to do than to think or write about studiez....
Like watchin Television...nea....not reely....chekin out sum flicks...playin' Snookers....
Goin' out for sum Bird-watchin....uuhh...no...itz too damn hot to be outdoors...
Then there r a lotta video gamez to be played...game records to be set...
Basketball skillz to be improved...but thats in the evenin'....
Then....thoughts of galzz...food...Bikes.... OOhhh yea...i gotta go to get mah bike fixed...
man..I forgot !!....ok...I'll go afta half an hour...
Nd then therez the Psychology project to be dun !!

I WANNA BE...

Every time you sit with me in mah car , It is quite a possibility that you'll hear
Bryan Adams screamin... I wanna be...(Yea, the same one..)... Every second person i meet asks me... What do u wanna do after the 12th ???.... And I'm like....
" uuhhh........I wanna be......uuuuuuhhh........
uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh........
I WANNNA BE......
uuuhhhh.....
uuuuuuhhhhhhmmmm.....Do u have sum other question to ask ??? !!!! "
Then starts the story... U MEAN HAVE U NOT DECIDED WHAT U R GONNA DO ??
.....U NEED COUNSELLING !!!.......LOOK AT BLAH BLAH MR. X.... HE IZ IN CLASS 6TH AND HE HAS DECIDED UPON ENGINEERING......OH MY GOD !!! SON IT IS HIGH TIME.....
THE WORLD IS A TOUGH PLACE TO LIVE IN....THERZ HELLUVA LOTTA COMPETITION.....
UR LIFE WILL BE A MESS.......U CAN'T HAVE UR PARENTS FEEDIN' YOU ALL YOUR LIFE....
THIS WORLD IS NOT A PLACE FOR CONFUZED PEOPLE.....!! BLAH BLAH...
DISHUM !!!...DHIIIISHHHAAAMM.....!!!.......BANG !!........WHAM !!....SLAM...!!!!!
.....OHK... ENUF !!

.....The list iz endless....
But az i Put it......
AMBITION IS A MERELY A LAZY EXCUSE....
FOR NOT HAVIN' AN EXCUSE FOR BEING LAZY.. !!
...
.....
.......
I wanna tell 'em....
MAI SCIENTIST BANU , PAR ACHCHA SCIENTIST NA BANU TO KYA FAAYDA.....
MAI GHAAS KAATNE WAALA BANU , PAR ACHCHA , TO FAAYDA HAI... !!!

Ohk... thats a good dialogue adapted from Farhan Akhtar's masterpiece - Lakshya..!!
yEA Lakshya....Lakshya iz sumthin I can connect mah lyf wid...Lakshya !!
Confusion....Confusion.....Confusion........Sum eccentricness....confusion.......a bitta childish innocence....More Confusion.....Thats me !!
The difference is he reached 13000 feet and 21..no 22....maybe 20 years..wateva...
to Realize what he was....
He Found his Lakshya.....uuuhhh....big word..!!...LAKSHYA !!!

Lakshya means I WANNA DO....I WANNA REACH..... I WANNA BE....
YEA....I WANNA BE.... thats the topic , not discussion bout the movie...!!

Koi engineer ka kaam karega...Business mei koi apna naam karega...
Papa Kehte hain badaa naam karega....Beta hamara aisa kaam karega....
Magar Yeh to..Koi na Jaana....Ke Meri manzil hai Kaha......

Ohk..serious now...One day I wanna be .....I wanna be.....

Maybe a chef( Salaam Namaste.... Saif iz cool.....Good food all around....
and yea... thats a cool way to wooo any gal...a self made dinner by the beach !!)...
Maybe.....uuuuhhh....Journalism....(..War Correspondence....Adventure...
Writing...Whacky Interviewz....Alwayz updated with all the cool happeninz...nd Gossip ofcourse !!...cool !! )...
Maybe....Hotel Management...( Food... Best Parties....Style....Authority...Soundz interestin , ah ??..)
Maybe....A Rockstar...( 10,000 people screamin at ur show....what else do u want from life ?? )
Maybe....A Deejay.....( Listenin to songs , playing around with songs...
Feeling music all day....Bein in a cool Discotheque....Chics... and all that Jazz..A job u can do Sitting all day..!!)
Maybe... an author...( Doin' what I am Doin right now.... Nothin actually....
...but I wonder who'll read all the Crap I right...)
Maybe... a Informatix Oriented Audio Engineer....( ONLY SOUNDS COOL...I DONNO WHAT THE HELL IS IT..!! )
Maybe....A fashion photographer...(Limelight...Glamour...Good Money...Bestest Models...Bestest Parties....Bestest people around....sounds Glamorous !!)
Maybe....A Food engineer turned Chocolate Taster for Hersheyzz...
( Gettin payed to taste the best Chocolates in the world....Havin 'em al day....
WHAT A LIFE.. !! )
Maybe...I go in for the Army.... waise I was Jokin... Bad idea....!!!..
no, not that bad.......but kinda bad.....which meanz....NO !!
( But the uniform iz cool...the style....the gunz....the honour...badgez ...
medalz.....bravery....chivalry.....they make a man !!)...but I am good as I am...enough of manliness...!!
Maybe....A Scientist...will make an automated Homework machine...
(Although all the children will bless me...
But no.....I mahself will not hav any homework when i becum a scientist...that meanz I suffer all ma lyf doin homework..and the next kids hav a homework machine ?? No way !!....I AM SELFISH...
so no scientist !!)
Maybe....a Computer Game developer...
( All the kidz will swear by the games i will create.... but that takes tooo much of hard work...I'll distribute toffies n get famous wid kidzz instead..!! )
So why not...A BIKE RACER !!..( life meanz..Speed !!....ride the fastest , meanest machines...get payed for that...a fan followin' of a million.....The excitement...
The danger...whoa !!...thats coool..!! )...But..Pro Bikers ought to be light framed...the 5 feet sumthin inched 100 pound body.....now..thats not me !!
Maybe...
uuuuhhhhhh.....
Hmmmmmmmm.........
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................
Errrrrrrrrrrr..........
Whateva !!
I am happy as I am....What I am....The Way I am.....
I like mah life today.....nd Trust Lord Devil that he wont let any kinda problem eclipse ma future...Whateva happenz...happenz for the best....
Jo bhi banenge....Dekha Jayega !!
Nd by the way...if u hv any, any suggestion for me...That u think wud be interestin enuf for me to turn ambitious....
puhleez reply n lemme know..!!

Torture....Serious Torture !!

What do u think of when u first hear the word " TORTURE" ??

....maybe a prisoner being tortured...or maybe...Taliban....or maybe...
the middle east countries....or maybe...attending chemistry classes....
or maybe....a Gal pestering her boyfrnd...Or maybe....eating Green Vegetables...

But no...I m not writin' about any of these tormenting activities....
I m writing about sumthin that No Talibanese wud have dun..not even to George Bush..
Sumthin that No Gal wud do to a Boy...
Sumhtin thats as good as eating Stinky green Vegetables..!!..but the vegetable effect stays for a cupl of hours...maximum !!
Sumthin..that no Chemistry class can do to a kid...(well..i gotta think about this one...i m confused....both are equally torturous !! )

You guys readin this can read this and laugh...or wateva...
But...For one moment...try to be humane...Try to put urself in mah position...
..nd see how painful Life can get...
When u r in a Sleeper Class Train of The Indian Railways !!
(Mah first journey by a train like this...)

This excruciating act was forced upon us by our skool authorities...
Wen we had to get back from Goa...where we had gone for a skool trip...
Forget Goa...Forget the trip...Concentrate on the Train...
A tacky...smelly train...travelling in it on the last day of may...
The temperature outside bein' 44 degrees....and not even an A.C....
The only relief we had was...The presence of Friends around !!

The first few hours wer lyk fine...masti...playin games nd stuff...
then it like got really very hot...
People all around u...not even a fan workin properly...
It was soo humid....the temperature rising....U cud literally see blood evaporatin' through ur veins..!!
It was the day I planned to turn Vegetarian...cuz...
I Felt the pain...the pain that turkeyz nd chicken must be undergoin' wen theyre put inside an oven...nd Dhishhh....I turned Vegetarian !!

The train journey....was the first time I was like in front of a real eunuch who wz ther to collect money...I mean....
A eunuch who looked more like a monster...had one eye stitched...and webbed fingers( I am NOT jokin'...trust me....or ask any of mah friendz who wer ther...)..
"IT" was quite scary to look at..and no one wud like to remember such a person...
but "IT"s lines to collect money wer sumthin that I cn neva forget...
To-
Ankit H.(now I donno the poora name): "Aye, jaldi se 10 ki patti nikal nai to lip to lip pappi de dungi..."
And Ankit H whatever....besharmon ki tarah mouth spray use karke ready...but the eunuch changed planz lookin at him...!!
Then came a tacky pikup line to Shivank...who gave the money...
Then "IT" turned towards Anish...cheezy sa dialogue maara...but seein Anish's expression lost hope of gettin anythin, nd commented:Ye to Shakal se hi Kanjus Lagta hai..ye kya dega...
Rahul Agarwal nahi tha..nai to wo to Eunuch se bhi paise nikalwa leta ..!!
Then the eunuch turned towards me..nd b4 "IT" cud say anythin to me...
I Gave him a 50 bux bill nd said: Ye le lo , pleez dialogue mat maarna..!!"
..."IT" got me really scared at that time..!!...but "IT" was decent , who returned 40 bucks to me sayin "IT" took only 10 bucks from evryone...nice fellow !!

The journey waz supposedly an excruciating 30 hour one....
and Turned up to be almost 55 hours of TORTURE....and Fruit Cake !!

26 hourz into the journey...when home seemed like minutes away...our train stopped at sum villagy station with not even a vendor who sold Mineral water...
all that was available was stinky Daal Vadda...(For those who donno what it is... don ask me , puhleez...cuz so dont I..!!)
The train was caught amidst riots between sum Gujjar clan nd sum other tribes...
The train was stationed at that place for 3 hourz nd then we were told that the train ll go back half way nd reach Delhi via sum other route , cuz of tracks being damaged in front....nd then..Started the rumours( I dint even care to find out if they were true or not) that the train in front of ourz was burnt....
Panick spread in the train , wid Students wantin to get back to their comfort dens...and even mobile phone bateriez started to end...to stop all connectionz wid parents...
The train, moving back from where we came... reached sum other small town station where we wer told not to open compartment doors or anythin...cuz of the raging mob on the station...who were banging and chargin at the train to break windows or doors..... a Rambo follower got in thru the window and opened the doors...
within seconds...the compartments wer filled with a thousand people...end each of them had 30 howling children by their side....
We were terrified....we thought them to be the onez behind the riots...
but they wer juz people runnin away from home or wer people whoz trains had been cancelled or burnt...Just normal people....but too many of them....

We travelled for another 20 hours wid the Runawayz,who didnt care that they wernt booked on the train...nd we were....
Who didnt care how much of difficulty we faced cuz of em...
Who...didnt care enough to buy a deoderant....man.... the stink that filled the compartment was enuf to kill a normal human bein'...thank Lord Devil he saved me !!
We reached home after 55 hourz in the train...all we had to eat was Fruit cake that the Pantry in the train sold...all we had to drink was Garam Pepsi...
all we had to breathe was the stink....all we had to entertain ourselvez was lookin at each otherz expressions !!...
I m here in front of the computer writin dis for u to read...all thanxx to mah friends....jinki waja se i survived the pain....and to Lord Devil ,of course..!!
Man...never ever in mah life will I sit in a train again... !!